The Dating Files: UPDATE

And the most crucial update from my six-week hiatus? Well..let's just say that I've been dating a wonderful man for the past six weeks and I'm happy. lol. Sorry, bloggies, but for now my lips are sealed!

The Dating Files: A Barack to My Michelle Situation

So, last night, I went out on my second online date.

I was actually nervous about this one...I put the whole dating thing on pause for a while because I was busy chasing Broadway, you know how it is, so maybe I just felt a bit out of sorts. Either way, I had butterflies.

I met this guy, let's call him Jackson 5, online, like maybe....three weeks ago. We wrote back and forth a bit, but never talked on the phone before he asked me out to drinks. He chose the bar, I set the time. I also set up some plans for after the date so that I would have a convenient exit plan in case this guy was a dud.



I've always said that I want a Barack to my Michelle situation!



I got to the bar first. He was actually running late, but called to let me know that he was about ten minutes out. It was the first time I heard his voice. Now, I don't know about you guys, but seriously, the voice can make it or break it for me. If your tone is corny, I'm not going to last long. If your vocal quality is lacking, I'm probably checking out. Maybe it's because I'm a singer, but I actually am really into it. lol. Anyway, so I heard is voice and...well, I was hoping the cabby would pump the gas and get him to the bar stat!

Let me tell you what I knew about Jackson 5 before he walked into the door. He's a bit older than me. Check. He grew up in the DMV where I went to school so we had a lot in common and knew a lot of the same places. Check. He is a football fan and former football player. Check. He loves his mama. Check. He's a professional singer and works in musical theatre...errrrrrrr! Double NO check minus! Now, everyone who knows me, knows that if at all possible, I do not do the whole actor thing. It's just like...not my thing, but whatever. I figured if nothing else, we could chit-chat over the latest theatre gossip and call it night. I mean, that would be fine I guess, but ultimately, I'm looking for my man, not for another gusband. I'm taken, in that respect. So that is what I knew about Jackson 5 before he walked into the door. After he walked in the door, I was able to confirm one more important detail....

HE WAS FINE!!!! Check plus.org! Honey, he was nice on the eyes and his body was right. I was into it lol.

This could be his theme song...

Jackson 5 (appropriately named because he is a crooner) and I seemed to have conversation that flowed easily...he is awesome.

Okay...no more details on this one. lol. We both want a date #2 so of course I'll keep you posted, but for now, that's all you're getting in the dating files!

The Dating Files: Facebook is the Devil UPDATE

Part 1: Facebook is the Devil

I woke up this morning and clicked "unfriend."

Strongholds are not cute.

I felt instantly freer and happy. Amen.

"We're not friends, we're just strangers with memories."

The Dating Files: Facebook is the Devil

Is there nothing worse than seeing your exes happily dating someone else? I don't think so. Especially when you're not over them....Welcome to my Hot Friday night, bloggies.

"Why won't he call? I'm awesome!"

I feel like I have created a recipe for disaster. Take one Friday night, an oversized bar of chocolate, a marathon of my favorite weddings shows, and a facebook proclamation from an ex stating that he loves his new girlfriend. Mix it all together and there you have it. UGH! A pretty sad picture.

What do you think, guys? Should I block his Facebook profile or what? Do I spare myself the updates on his new love life? I mean, in all sincerity, I can't say that we are friends, especially since he stopped talking to me ever since he chose to date her over me. On the flip side, and this is so pathetically honest, in my mind I think, "but what if he tries to contact me one day in the future?" I know right? But this is how my mind works. I look at all of the "normal" people out there who can go from relationship to relationship and move on and be happy and blah blah blah, and I have to wonder what the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I do that? Why can't I find happiness elsewhere? Why is this one person so unshakable?

At what point do you give up on the dream that you and your ex will somehow have a happily ever after?

How do you truly move on (vs. distracting and deluding yourself) even when you don't want to?
When is the time to de-friend your ex on Facebook?

Ugh....I don't know guys. This is a tough one.  What do you think?

This made me laugh.

The Dating Files: Online Fail!

So, as you all know, I am trying out the online dating thing. It's kind of a struggle sometimes to not delete all of my profiles, but if I did, I wouldn't be able to tell you stories like this!

Two nights ago, I got a message from some guy named Bryan introducing himself. It was nice and simple, but I was tired and figured that I would get back to him later. I guess he saw that I read his message and didn't respond right away. Here is the message that I got from him tonight....with no prompting from me. Enjoy! lol

"wassup sis

why are you even on here if your not really trying
to get to know people in Christ ? lol

isn't that the whole point?

no wonder why your single lol

a man like me approaches you with the utmost respect
and you act like you cant be bothered ?

and than you make me look crazy
for telling you the truth lol"

Um...clearly there will be no response. LOL! This is why I'm single, then cool. I'm good with it. You already know what rating this one gets: 

The Dating Files: Can I get my number back?

So this story (thankfully) is not about me, but it totally fits the bill for less than romantic dating stories in NYC. This sad tale of singledom comes from my lovely roommate. Here's her tale of woe. (lol It's not that bad - but doesn't the drama intrigue you to keep reading!?) 

  

"Hey! I'm cute and I play in a band."



So my roomie met her guy-in-question at work. Let's call him "Digits." Roomie and Digits met about a month ago during training. After weeks of casual flirting and and the typical "getting to know you" conversations, Roomie accepted Digits' invitation to come see his band perform in Brooklyn. Score! She's totally into the creative, artistic, "I'm cute and I play in a band" type. He is a drummer which to her is ideal because that means that he has rhythm, doesn't mind being in the background, and is may have the tendency to be a little bit wild...

The night went off without a hitch. Everyone was very spirited and having a good time together when....well, let me keep it real. She was actually a tad bit buzzed and may or may not have fallen on the floor in front of him, but whatever! Point is, they shared a laugh over that and the night's other antics, danced together, and had fun. Great.

A few days later he asked her out on their first official date to the movies! Oooh la la! She chose a psychological thriller. Romantic, I know. They talked through the whole thing. After the movies they headed to the bar. Convo was great, blah blah blah, everything was amazing, and he even kissed her on the forehead. Perfection for her date #1 defined. They walked to the train hand in hand (I know, I'm throwing up for you - this is so sugary sweet, right?) at the end of the night and ended things with a sweet kiss...okay actually, they made out on the train. Not the classiest move, but guess what, who cares!? She wasn't ready, but he went for it and all ended well.

At this point they still hadn't exchanged numbers, but a few days later, back at work, Digits got the digits. Cool. It's about time, brother. In addition, he asked her out for a second date to go see a Broadway musical and to celebrate his birthday the next evening. Love it. Everything was going great!

Then, our story took a turn for the worst. Days went by and......nothing. No calls. No texts....and what happened to those birthday date plans? Beats me. A few days after that she finally saw him at work and said "Hey dude, why didn't you call me?" His response? "I'm SORRY! I'll call you next week!" Uh.....#fail. Next week, dude? No thanks.

The moral of the story is this: If you get the digits, use them because if you don't, you force me to ask the question, "Can I get my number back!?"

The Dating Files: Dom

So I went on my first online date last week with a guy that we'll call Dom (short for Dominican because ya'll know I love all things Latino and he was certainly repping the DR!). I was really excited to start getting this online research together for the blog so I could start making good on some of these posting promises.

I don't know what the proper protocol or timing of this whole thing, but essentially Dom and I hardly talked before meeting up. I mean we messaged like maybe twice and he called, but I was busy so it was whateves. I actually liked it. Straight to the point. He has an awesome job as an educator and is currently in school getting his Masters Degree. Double bonus points and shout-outs to higher education. 

We decided to meet up at a bar near my place for drinks. I wore some jeans, a white T, and a lace cardigan. Sensible. Boots. No frills. I might have even still had my show face on from work that day - ha! So anyways, he got there a bit before me and got a table. I walked in and recognized him immediately. Good sign. He looked like his picture and he was wearing the cutest green festive sweater. Handsome. 

We chatted for a bit over wine. Laughed a lot, had a good time. Then we went to a friend's holiday party. I know, right? Seems like a bit much maybe for a first meeting, but I was ready to get to my homegirl's house plus, he had on such a festive sweater that it seemed fitting (pun partially intended). It actually worked out well because I could see how he interacted with everyone and they actually rather adored him.

After an hour or so at the party I was ready to roll out so he drove me home (like a few city blocks away, but it was raining) and that was that.

Nice guy. He said he wants to see me again. That's cool. I'd be down. Not sure that he's THE ONE, but it was all good. Stay tuned, kids!

The Dating Files: My #1 Man

Hey Ladies!

Now, while I am on the journey to finding love...or at least finding really entertaining dating blog post material (don't care which one comes - they are equally welcomed), I must admit that I have actually been married for about two years now - shocking, I know!

I have been lucky enough to have the best partner in the world, a guy that all gals, single or married, need, the guy who will be there through thick and thin. I am happy to introduce to you.......MY GUSBAND!

Now what is a GUSBAND you might ask? In Queenology, 'Gusband' is the perfect blending of the words GAY + HUSBAND. He's my gay bestie. My #1.

So whenever I start catching the single blues, I remember, I've got a man - and a great one at that!

My #1 Dude

Ps. Follow my gusband at musicaltheatreguy. If ever he writes about Nene, just know he is really talking about BLACtresses!

The Dating Files: Mr. P Part 2

So after seeing Mr. P twice, I was kinda lukewarm about seeing him again. He was a nice guy and all, but like, meh, I just wasn't that into it. Unfortunately, I think he felt differently. (get caught up here: Mr. P Part 1)

Mr. P started texting me which was fine. Then he called and started talking about how he thought it was fated for us to meet. For example, he wasn't going to get on that particular subway car, but then he did and blah blah blah. I didn't think it was that deep, but he managed to find the symbolism in every single one of the totaled 2 hours that we'd spent together pointing to the fact that we were destined to be together. I'd pretty much checked out by this point and was working on a way to let him know that, but then it all came to a head this weekend.

He texted me saying that he wanted me to stop by his job to say hello. We don't work too far away from each other, but honestly, I had plans that night and wasn't going to have time. When I got home that evening I gave him a call because I didn't want to straight up ignore him. That's not hot. This is how the convo went:

Me: Hey!
Mr. P: So what happened to you today?
Me: Excuse me?
Mr. P: Did you ignore my text?
Me: No. I'm calling you right now.
Mr. P: Well I really wanted to see you. I wanted you to come to my job.
Me: Um, I was busy. I didn't leave midtown until late this evening. I figured you weren't at work.
Mr. P: I told you I work late.
Me: Um, no you didn't and besides, I was busy.
Mr. P: So just say you ignored my text then.
Me: Again, I didn't. I'm calling you now.
Mr. P: So you ignored my text.
Me: Fine. I ignored your text.
Mr. P: Thank you. Now how was your day?
Me: I'm sorry. This conversation is over. Say goodbye so I don't feel like I'm hanging up on you.
Mr. P: What? No! I'm sorry. I was just kidding. I'm sorry! Can I just hang up and call you back and start over?
Me:  Sure. *click*

Okay, so needless to say, I didn't pick up when he called back. He really must have lost his mind. I guess he thought he was my man or something, but he was clearly deluded. Mr. P has called me and texted me pretty much every day since, but there is no way I am responding. He'll get the point after a week or so, I'm sure.

Seems like Mr. P's attempts went from PREMATURE to WAY TOO LATE. I'm done.

So alas, I'm going to rate this attempt a #FAIL, but hopefully, it was an entertaining story to read as it is certainly an amusing one to tell.

The Dating Files: Mr. P Part 1

Okay guys!


As promised, here is the first update on my recently resurrected dating life! This is the story of a guy...let's call him Mr. Premature!


"Google me, boo."



I met Mr. P, not online, but on the subway of all places. Cute guy. Seemed nice. It was all good. I was all dressed up and on my way to my opening night and he complimented me on my shoes. Now, of course my first response was to think "hmmmm...is he gay?" But in all honesty, my shoes were flyy and should be appreciated by all, regardless of sexual orientation. So, I am about to get off of the subway and he asked for my number. Instead of just giving it to him, I decided to make it a bit harder so that ol' boy would have to put forth some effort to find me. I told him to contact me through my website. Oh yes! You read that correctly. MY WEBSITE. lol. So bourgeoisie.



About a week later, I actually got a message from him through my site! Can you believe it? I was pretty impressed that he even went thorough the effort. I waited about 3-4 days and texted him at the number that he left. A few more days passed and I hadn't heard from him. I was thinking, "what is wrong with this dude?" You know, you don't go through the effort of finding someone just to ignore them. So what was up with that? Upon further checking, I realized that the fault was mine and I had texted the wrong person. LOL. Uh.....my bad.



So anyways, we chatted a bit and that was fine so we decided to meet up maybe a week or so later at a local coffee spot. I dressed rather casually and had no nerves about the meeting. It was actually pretty cool. I found out more about him, nice guy, etc. We were there about an hour and then I was tired so he walked me home. Great. We had plans to go to a bar the next evening where he and his friends hosted a local game night.



I feel you, dude.



So I showed up to game night the next evening and he was definitely excited to see me. He told me that he had told all of his friends that he had a "special lady" coming....umm, okay. I've known you for five minutes, but whatever. Then throughout the whole evening he was very touchy and like, all up in my face around everyone. It almost felt kind of territorial. Ugh. So I left after about an hour because I was tired (seeing a trend here?) and he left to walk me the four or five blocks to the train. Fine. I appreciate the chivalry. As we were walking, he grabbed my hand and then gave me this unnecessarily long and lingering hug. I mean, I guess if I was into it, it would've been okay, but I really just felt like he was doing too much too fast. It was all a bit....PREMATURE.

For the exciting conclusion, read....Mr. P Part 2!

The Dating Files: What was that!?

Ladies!

I am SO confused. Can someone please help me out? My question for tonight is, how do you know if you are on a date, a hang-out, or a meeting? I feel like the lines are so blurry in that area these days that one can never know what's going on. Since chivalry is pretty much a dying art (sadly) I feel like, if a guy follows the typical old school model of courting, then you are on a date, right? Like, he picks you up, you go out, he pays... I don't know.

Does money make the distinction? Like, if he pays is it a date, but if you go dutch (ewww) it's a hang-out? Or is the distinction made in the intention?

"Sooooo....what is this?"

Let me know. I'm trying to step my dating game up (See Online Boyfriend Shopping), but I'm not going into this thing blinded.

Holler at me..

Ps.Get ready for some of these dating stories that I am about to share lol!

The Dating Files: Online Boyfriend Shopping

It’s holiday time! Christmas displays are popping up all over the city in anticipation of the present-buying frenzy that is sure to come in the next few weeks. I love shopping. Discount shopping, grocery shopping, or thumbing through magazines – it’s all the same to me – and of course, there is online shopping. Just last night I was online clicking around and looking for a new pair of strappy heels and a cocktail dress (“for what?” you may ask – deets coming soon in a future post!). The internet is such a great resource for coupons, discounts, and steals that you might not otherwise find.

With all that in mind, I invite you into my living room to drop in on a conversation I just had with my roommate (a 26 year-old single, beautiful, and natural-haired actress):

Me: I wish I was married.

Roomie: Really? No you don’t.

Me: You’re right. I guess I just wish I was dating someone.

Roomie:  Yeah me too. I want a boyfriend.

Me: Okay! Let’s find you one!

I immediately pulled out my laptop. Then I stopped. MY LAPTOP!?!? Yes! In this internet-savvy world, my first response to finding her a boyfriend was to start searching for one online. I guess I figured that I could just Google “available boyfriend” much like I would “vegetarian dinner recipes” or “MTA subway schedules” and turn up with the perfect man for my roomie.

I admit it. I’ve tried online dating. I may or may not even be on a site or two now. I still do find it slightly embarrassing, but I actually think it’s totally common. I mean, let’s be real, my industry is pretty homosexual heavy, and outside of work, I don’t meet too many guys. Plus, it seems like in the past few months, all of my friends who are recently married or even just in new relationships found their soul mates via the world wide web. In my experiences with online dating, I’ve never met anyone worthwhile and I generally get bored with the process after like, 3-4 days – pathetic, I know, but for now, I think I’ll try to stick it out. (I resisted the urge not to delete my online dating profiles like, an hour ago lol….alas.)

So what would your Google search for the perfect man/woman look like? I think these are some of the key words that I would use:

Christian

Educated

Employed

Provider

Wants Children

Hot Body

Chocolatey

Yeah, I got kinda shallow towards the end there, but why not ask for it all, right? Clearly, it “tis the season to be jolly!”

Your turn! What’s on YOUR wish list?

Not such a bad idea, right?